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twinkle - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
wink - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
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True story.  When I was in college, I broke up with my long-term long-distance boyfriend over the phone.  I sort of feel like this is what I have done to Twinkles & Winks fans over these past couple of months.

My bad.

I felt like I was half-assing two things.  And I needed to be whole-assing just one.  So I totally dissed all of you in a not-so-nice way and just left you hanging like a TOTAL jackass.

My bad.

I was so busy following a ridiculous amount of winks from life lighting my recent random path with a twinkly company in my new home-based biz.   And to be honest, loving every minute of it.  Twinkles & Winks was always on my mind, but the winks kept telling me to move forward with this new adventure, first and foremost.

My bad.

But then a couple of friends asked me where Twinkles & Winks went.  Then my mom politely suggested I at LEAST leave readers a little note about what the heck has happened and reassurred me that lots of people take "sabbaticals" from their jobs or whatever.  Then the Fuzzy Hubbs kept throwing low blows at me about Twinkles & Winks, in a not-so funny way.  Then LOTS of people started asking for more Twinkle Tastes and Tips and I realized I had more to offer...even if I couldn't offer my whole ass. 

My bad.

I still believe in Twinkles & Winks.  I believe in finding, creating and living happy.  I believe life gives us hints on how to best do that.  I believe while I would LOVE to sit and write and share the 903, 853 ideas I constantly have running through my head with you all day long but the fact of the matter is, until Twinkles & Winks lifts me up into my best life and scores me a sweet deal, I have to create a life for my family by earning a living.  And I'm earning a living in the most fun way I ever have.

So here's where I'm at.  I can't promise my whole ass.  But I can promise a bit of my ass.  When the moment strikes, I'll post it.  When I have some long random thoughts that might be more appropriate for a journal but seem applicable to Twinkles & Winks, I'll post it.  When I have recipes that need to be shared with the world or whatever, I'll post it. 

My sincere apologies to my faithful fans of almost a year.  Every relationship has its ups and downs.  In every relationship, one half is a huge douche for a bit (that half being me in this instance).  Please take me back.  Me and a bit of my ass.

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
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This past weekend, I had the whole house to myself.  The Fuzzy Hubbs was off on his annual houseboat trip with his old school pals.  I asked my mom and dad to take my little ladies for the weekend so I could remember what it was like to hear myself think, to live in a clean house, and get caught up on a approximately eleven months of backlogged to-do-list stuff.

It was awesome on Friday.  It was awesome on Saturday, mostly.  It was awesome on Sunday, until I was caught up.  The quiet was so foreign.  I missed the littles, their silliness and zest for life and living.  I missed my boy toy, his jokes and his company.  I missed my regular old life and realized how when I'm in the middle of young motherhood, my cup seems too full and when I'm out of it, I realized how empty it feels.

So I guess, my cup runneth over or whatever.  And I'll take too much over not enough any day.  And there were a few very big perks to rockin' life on my own for a few days:

1.)  The hosue stayed clean and organized because I am not a pig.
2.)  I didn't have a lanky lad next to me in bed so I could stretch out.
3.)  I ate a bunch of meals from start to finish without being interrupted.
4.)  And last but not least, I got to brew the morning coffee just how I like it. 

Twinkle Taste coming at you, here.  Once you get your coffee all set to brew, however strong you like it, add a hefty sprinkle of cinnamon, a good sprinkle of nutmeg and a teeny twinkle of ginger.  It tastes like vacation in a cup.  And my cup runneth over and I love it. 

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
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Just last week the Fuzzy Hubbs and I sort of laid into our kids about eating what's made for dinner, not what they want for dinner.  And they were eating like 2.7 bites of the main dish and joyfully proclaiming, "I get a treat now!"
So right then and there we invented the "you eat what you get" rule.  It's not a finish-your-plate rule, more of a you-need-to-try-what-is-served rule. 

I'm careful about kid-sized portions, so I knew that wasn't the deal.  One of my most recent Twinkle Treasures, shared with me by a long-time Twinkle Team Player, Kelly, is 100 Days of Real Food.  This lady rocks and was totally mainstream not too long ago.  Now she is, as far as I'm concerned, the guru on how families should eat.  I've gotten a lot of Twinkly Tips from this chick.

I'm a fab cook, if I do say so myself, so I knew that wasn't the deal.  I just revisited an old favorite cookbook last night by Rachel Ray and found some stellar ones I've never tried before and felt 18,476 vegetarian adaptations and Twinkle Twists bursting from this hot bod.  And a couple times a week, when the Fuzzy Hubbs works late, I do make an entirely kid-friendly meal for those little ladies to promote thei

So I knew those kids were pretty much just being jerks.  And then they are being jerks, it's almost like the opposite of a wink...it's a whine!  We are what we eat and homemade happy food keeps your body healthy, your mind healthy, your life healthy.  Like any good relationship, I decided this cook in the kitchen could meet them halfway.  I'm making thoughtful meal decisions with their tastes in mind, creating Twinkle Tastes to push their limits a bit, but still feel safe and delish.  Because I don't want to hear their whining but took that whining as a wink to try something different to bring us all back to a happy dinner table. 

This recipe rocked.  Simple and tasty.  I bet the sauce could be sprinkled over just about any grain or even veggies on their own.  Mmmm.  May it bring you peace and quiet, full tummies, and joyful dinner noises. 

LEMON PEPPER NOODLES

1/4 c EVOO
5 cloves garlic, crushed
zest and juice of 1 lemon
lots of black pepper and a little salt
1/4 c dairy-free margarine such as Earth Balance or butter if that's your thing
3/4 lb. whole wheat spaghetti
as much chopped spinach as you like (I chop mine really small, almost as you would with herbs)

Cook noodles as directed.  Drain those, leaving a bit of cooking water in the pot to keep noodles from sticking.

Heat EVOO over low heat.  BE PATIENT.  ;)  Add crushed garlic and cook slowly, stirring now and again until it's nearing lightly browned.  Add zest, juice, pepper, salt, and margarine.  Cook until margarine melts.  Pour sauce over noodles, add spinach.  Slurp it up at a happy dinner table.

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
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Today's post could have had many clever titles.  Twinkle Tune, Twinkle Trigger, Twinkle Treasure, what have you.  Part of learning to retrain your brain to reframe and choose joy is to have a pocket for of twinkles when you need a tool to bump you back onto your happiest path when you've gone astray.

Everyone has gifts and everyone has to share them.  When you share your gifts, in the way that feels right to you no matter what a bunch of sell outs suggest, this is what happens.  When you share your gifts and just keep on keepin' on, you win. 

Say what you want, but yes, I'm STILL an America Idol fan.  I get to watch people's dreams come true.  I knew this kid was twinkly from the first audition.  In fact, if you could invent a man that was part Fuzzy Hubbs, part Christian Grey, part Phillip Phillips, that would be the best thing of all time.  And he would be mine.  ;)

This song brings tears to my not-so-mushy eyes.  It gets me through my last tired mile on my long runs as I play it on repeat on my ipod.  It's catchy, it's warm, it's awesome.  It's a Twinkle Trigger; it makes me feel happy, has a happy message, and old Phillip Phillips is living happily ever after livin' the dream.

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
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One of my daycare kids called in sick today.  And the other randomly needed to arrive two hours late.  So that left me with a lot of extra time on my hands on this lovely morning.  I could have run an extra mile or two or I could have scrubbed a toilet or something.  But instead I decided to Sprinkle the Twinkle and share the love with my favorite people, my family, by busting out my waffle iron.

Here's a couple of Twinkle Tricks to make some fab Twinkle Tastes.

I'm not vegan although I'm quite sure I'm headed that way.  I eat eggs every morning, avoid dairy and barf any time I see dead flesh.  I love baking vegan goodies.  Free from butter, milk, and eggs.  Even though I still eat eggs, I figure why not just go big and go vegan for baking.  It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO simple. 

Swap any alternative milk for dairy milk.  Soy, coconut, almond, rice, oat, hemp, whatevs. 

Swap 1 T ground flax seed plus 3 T water for every egg.  Let it sit and mush up while you mix everything else.

Swap oil or dairy-free margarine for butter.

And wa-la!  Vegan baking.  Which in my book, is better, kinder, healthier and happier than the rest.  Go ahead and try your favorite baking recipe with these Twinkle Tricks.

I did this with an old waffle recipe I found from back in my mainstream days.  At first I thought about picking another but then decided to give it a go.  AND YUM.  It was worth a shot for sure. 

Try swapping.  Tell me and other Twinkle Team Players.  We'd love to share the love and learn to cook with your very own Twinkle Twists.  Message me your very own recipe and I'll feature it here for all to enjoy.  And, of course, you'll get a Twinkle Tag for your hustle. 

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
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First of all, please accept my apologies.  I've seemed to slip into some sort of summer slacker schedule.  Life has been noisy and busy with so many kiddos around.  In between breaking up fights and redirecting the little ones to use their happy voice instead of their whiny one and managing to somehow have a homecooked meal on the table every night, I have been looking and finding tons of twinkles and following winks left and right.

I'll start with a wink for today.  For months now, my mom has been politely encouraging me to look into a pre-preschool program for our little Bickleberry, often described as an independent firecracker.  She's just two-and-a-half and I always sort of secretly scoffed at stay-at-home-moms who put their tiny kids in classes and what not.  Now I secretly scoff at those who don't.  Because part of being a good mom is making and taking time for yourself and that's just not possible while putting out and/or preventing aforementioned firecracker's fires.

I had been secretly mulling over the idea of having old Bickles start up this fall, not sure how to pitch it to the Fuzzy Hubbs.  And then WHACK.  Earlier this week, the super duper awesome mom of the little chick I care for asked if I'd thought about a school program for the girls this fall.  Seems as though I had and seems as though life was telling me to take a step in that direction.  AND THEN, yesterday at the library, we ran into a mom of a kid from Ladybug's class who also has a little chick Bickleberry's age.  And what do you think SHE shared with me???  That she just signed up her little chick for the 2K program I'd been thinking about.  So what call do you figure I'm making today?  You guessed it, to sign Bickles up for school. 

Because that's what you have to do...when a wink comes, follow it.  When two winks come, you're a damn fool if you don't. 

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
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I never thought I'd be a runner.  Now I can't imagine my life without it.

It's not about not stopping.  It's about continuing, trudging ahead, moving forward.

It clears my mind.  Helps me get rid of all the crap to make space for all the twinkles in life.

When I run, I think about what's behind me.  It's there, but it doesn't matter because I've already been though it.

When I run, I think about all the crap that's going on right now and literally squashing it.  Every little thing that's bugging me, trying to hide the light, gets squished and squashed.  Every person I sometimes feel like punching in the face gets pounded on the pavement.  Every moment I wish was different gets ripped torn up with my cute little running shoes.

When I run, I keep going.  I put one foot in front of the other.  I keep my eye on the end, the finishing point, my light at the end of each and every tunnel.

I Giddy Up to get happy.  I run for fitness of body and mind because they work in harmony.  I run and I keep going, I keep going down my happiest path.

See you Monday.

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
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I used to count down the minutes until nap time and quiet time.
I used to check the clock a bajillion times a day to see how close it was to bed time.
I used to stare at my calendar and try to figure out the next time I could dump my little noisy darlings on someone, anyone, who would take those two chatterboxes for a while.

I wanted them to get the F away from me.
I wanted them to leave me alone.
I wanted them gone…just for a bit.

And then it hit me. What an awful way to think about your kids.  

It wasn’t about them, it was about me.  It was about me trying to do 9000 other things other than just taking care of my kids. And sometimes that means preparing four snacks in a row for one kid and four trips to the potty in a row for the other. Because first and foremost, I’m a mother.  So those 9000 housewife chores just have to wait sometimes.

It wasn’t about them, it was about me.  I didn’t want them away, or to leave me or to be gone, I just wanted some time with just me. To do what, though?  Sit and knit in the middle of a drought this summer? Cook meals all day that no one likes because all they want is mac and cheese?  Scrub my disgusting house just so it can get all sorts of disgusting five minutes later again?

It wasn’t about them, it was about me.  I DO have alone time each day.  That’s why I’m up at 5:30 in the damn
morning almost two hours before the whole house is stirring each day.  I DO have time alone, or at least with
a not-so-chatty adult, every night.  That’s why we have those chatty girls tucked in by 7:30 at night to sit
and do whatever.  It’s those 12 intense hours in between that make me forget about the lovely before and after
hours.

Kids may be kids, but they’re not dumbasses.  If all you’re thinking is how you want them to get away or you want to
get away, they can feel that, they can see it.  And it probably makes them feel like shit which probably makes them act like shitheads. So reframe it.  I thought I wanted them to leave me alone.  What I really wanted was time alone.  And when I really thought about it, I already had it. 

Deep thoughts, by the Twinkle Teacher.   

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
...

So in my whole new-and-improved life adventure of being an independent consultant in the beauty biz (and no,
BTW, it’s NOT with Mary Kay…although they have tried and tried to lure me in over the years, but I digreess), I’ve been seriously digging the trainings I get to do.  Because a lot of them are about personal development.  And that’s
the sort of shit I’m into.

As you may recognize, I’m a sucker for alliteration, rhyming, cleverness and the like.  For example, “Retrain your brain, reframe and choose joy.”  I like things that are easy to remember and pack a lot of punch.  For example, “Look for twinkles, follow the winks, find your happy.”  Little bits you can pull out of your brain pocket when you really need them.  For example, “Rejection is protection.”

I found this little gem in a training about growing my business.  And now I pull it out of my brain pocket all of the time.  When something shitty is dumped on my lap, I’m not gonna lie, I get sad/mad/feel bad for a bit, but then I almost immediately remember to bust this puppy out.  REJECTION IS PROTECTION.  

Protection from what, you ask?  From bullshit.  From drama. From a bunch of shit you don’t want. 

And I take it a step further.  After that sad/mad/feeling bad feeling fizzles, I retrain to reframe.  I ask,“How can I make this better?”  Everything takes practice, right?  So my hope, my expectation is that before you know it, when some shit lands in my lap, I eventually just feel surprised and right away figure out a way that shit is actually helping me or keeping me safe or sending me down a twinkly path.  

Rejection is protection. 

Retrain to reframe.  

Choose joy.

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twinkles - how people, places and things shine and share happiness
winks - little hints from life lighting the way toward one's happiest path
...

I’d been looking for a change.  Been doing this whole daycare thing for four-and-a-half years now.  Two kids of your own is plenty to handle, let alone handling two more and being land-locked unless one calls in sick or whatever. It’s been a great ride, served its purpose, but I knew it was time to move on.

How did I know? Because I was having Mommy Meltdowns left and right.  Looking for twinkles and only managing to find a bunch of crap.  I’ll spare you those not-so-twinkly details.  And part of the reason I’ll spare you those details is because what you focus on grows and I don’t want that crap to grow, I want the twinkles to.  So, yeah, I hit a rough patch, to say the least, just this past spring.  

In between my bouts of woe, I found moments to sit and just think.  I knew something had to change, I just wasn’t sure how in the world I could still earn money AND be home with my kids.  But more importantly, I knew I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing.  No way, no how, no sir!

So I did something I said I would NEVER EVER do.  I applied, through tears and sniffles, for two really appealing full-time social works positions.  I mean, I have my masters for Pete’s sake and have hardly used it since renting out my womb twice.  One appealed for the surprisingly high salary (probably because of the surprisingly high wretchedness of the foster care work involved) and the other appealed because of the perfect fit of what I always saw myself doing as a social worker, coordinating adoptions, helping kids find families and helping families form.

For the first time in my over-achieving life, I didn’t get a call for an interview.  Not even a “fuck you” from either agency.  I ALWAYS get an interview and to be honest, I ALWAYS get the job.  I got one curt email that they’d gone with another candidate for the first job and never heard from the second.  Those, party people, were two winks.  Winks don’t have to be happy.  You feel them in your gut, good or bad, and roll with them. You follow them.

Still, I knew I needed a change.  After being whacked in the face with rejection, I started to think about
the end product, a new, flexible job that still let me be a stay-at-home-mom, and in a perfect world, allowed more time for me to pursue my dream of Twinkles & Winks.  And I looked for twinkles, one at a time…tucking my girlies into bed, my morning cup of coffee, how the Fuzzy Hubbs always makes me laugh and let’s me just be me.

So I did something I said I would NEVER EVER do.  I launched as an independent consultant for a beauty, health and wellness company. It’s fun, it’s flexible, it’s fabulous. I chose this route, albeit at first a bit reluctantly, because of all the winks flung at my head to give it a go. 

What sort of winks, you ask? Allow me to elaborate using a list:

-My sponsor in this whole bit, who I prefer to call my coach because sponsor just sounds so rehab-y, was wearing nearly the same shoes as me at one of the parties I attended that she presented.  ;)

-When I agreed to meet with my coach and her coach to learn more about this whole bit, she suggested we meet at my favorite coffee shop in town.  ;)

-As I got in my car to drive to aforementioned meeting, the package of products I ordered from the company at that last shoe-matching party literally arrived right then and there. And I asked aloud, “Are you kidding me? THIS is what I’m supposed to do??? THIS is my wink???”  ;)

-During the meeting, these ladies were talking about twinkles and winks and by that I mean believing in yourself enough to make whatever life you want happen, how becoming a part of this company has helped make their lives and the lives of others happier, how the opportunity fell into their lives at just the right time.  ;)

I’m two months in now. Since then, after seeing how this all works and loving the stuff I’m sharing with people and knowing I can do anything I choose to, I phased out one of the kids I’ve been caring for.  Nice little guy who is off to kindergarten next year, so his hours were already going to drop to like 1 a day.  And with my new adventure, I need to be able to leave for parties during the times he would have been here.  His last day is August 17th.  

So I’m down to my two little ladies and one extra.  Because my parents taught me you don’t quit one job until you have another.  And her hours fit these hours.  And I feel happy about this all.  I think it’s great.  I choose my hours, I am my own boss, I work primarily from home, I get out a couple nights a week and usually enjoy a cocktail and some delicious appetizers, and I’m learning some skills I really need to make the Twinkles & Winks dream come true – marketing.  

It’s all working out as it should.  And so far, it's all shining.